Go Alone - quote from Brianna Wiest
‘If you ever get the chance, go alone.
Walk alone, travel alone, live alone, dance alone.
Just for a while.
If you ever get the chance, learn who you are when the world isn’t demanding you be one way or another.
Most people only know how to stand on their own if someone else will stand beside them.
Don’t let that be your story.
When you get the chance, know that the opportunity to walk alone, even for a bit, is a rare gift, one that will hand you insight that can change the course of your life.’
I fully and with a joyful heart subscribe to the words, recommendations, and mindset above. This post from Brianna Wiest came up in my Instagram feed recently and prompted the following musings on going alone. I feel as though she could have written this passage specifically for me.
Going alone has been amazing and life-changing. Even though I feel like I’ve been making things up as I go over the last 4-20 years, there is a path that I’ve followed that has helped me go alone. So, I thought I would share it here.
Recently, a female acquaintance, also over 50, who in the last year unexpectedly lost her husband, and was suddenly in a life transition was asking me about how I started traveling solo. I met her in August of ’21, while I was walking a friend's dog. She knew the friends and the dog, so we got to talking and it ended up that two months later I would be house-cat sitting for her while she was traveling with a friend for several weeks. Shortly after her return, I myself would head out of the country for 3 months in Italy, having never even visited that country and only reserving an apartment in Puglia for a month, letting the remainder of the trip unfold for me in the most magical of ways.
It turns out we would stay in touch during my Italian adventures and when I landed back in the US in late January ’22 we got together for a long walk and chat. One of the things she wanted to chat about, in-depth, was inquiring how I started traveling alone, as she was intrigued to perhaps try it herself but honestly was overwhelmed with the thought of planning it and actually a little scared of whether she would enjoy it.
As I considered her questions, I initially thought about talking about my first completely solo vacation to Iceland in 2014 and how and why/how it came to be but I realized that my successfully executing solo travel around the world went further back than that trip and that I had started much smaller.
So, I asked her: had she taken short trips by herself?
No.
How often had she gone to the movies, or live shows, or out to dinner by herself?
Almost never.
With that information, this is where I suggested she begin.
Start with small solo outings.
I can vividly recall the first movie I went to by myself as an adult: the Notebook. I remember feeling very intimidated about going to a movie by myself (worrying: what would other movie-goers, all strangers, of course, think?) but I really wanted to see the Notebook the weekend it premiered in 2004. Desire trumped worry and off I went to an afternoon matinee, in a multiplex in Tucson, Arizona. When I walked into the theatre with my beverage, most of the rows were full. I walked to the top row and took the one seat left on the aisle, next to several women who seemed to know each other. As the lights went down, and the previews began, the murmurs faded and I was lost in the movie-going experience. It was near the end of the film that I was jolted back to the reality that people were with me as my neighbor offered me a tissue. I was crying and did not have one. I took the tissue gratefully, blew my nose, and fell back into the story. I absolutely adored my solo movie outing and my only regret was that I hadn’t started doing it sooner. Almost 20 years later, I have found I almost prefer solo movie-going and can’t wait to get back in the theatre now that they have opened up.
It would be a few years before I would go out for my first solo dinner, book in hand. I enjoyed that experience as well but found that I preferred sitting at the bar and chatting with servers and bartenders while I ate, or if I was lucky, other diners who were lovely company (honestly, most of the folks I’ve met dining solo have been pretty great but there have been a few missteps - buyer beware).
I have fond memories of the first weekend trip I took solo in the late aughts (when I was around 40). You could count my dogs as companions but I was solo from other humans. I was single, my son was off at college, my friends were mostly couples and I wanted to get away for the holidays. I decided to just go. I booked a cabin in a tiny hotel on the Oregon Coast, packed up my dogs, a cooler of favorite foods and wine, books, and raincoats for all of us, and headed out. What unfolded was a wonderful 4 days of long walks on the beach, cozy fires, journaling, reading, and contentment with my own company.
The point here is that I started practicing for my solo travels many years before actually flying off to live in different countries. So I recommended to my new friend that she start small. Maybe a movie. How about a road trip to somewhere close by for a weekend?
Waiting for a partner, friends, or family to join you on travels is kind of like waiting for permission. But, societal norms, especially for women over a certain age, frown on these kinds of adventures in general.
Waiting for someone else to go with you is really putting your life on pause.
In late 2013, I was talking with a friend about my desire to visit Iceland. Iceland had a mystical appeal, otherworldly and wild, and I had been dreaming of visiting for a couple of years. My friend said she would “love to” but she couldn’t take time away from her partner and he would be jealous if she were to go without him. I almost put the idea on the back burner again, thinking there was no way I could travel to another country alone, by myself, and have a good time. Then, all of a sudden I realized the only thing stopping me was me. And these ideas that I couldn’t go alone. I booked my tickets that week.
I have to say that Iceland was a great choice for a first solo vacation for me. Here are some the reasons: Iceland is considered a very safe country, especially for women. There is a very high population of English speakers and Reykjavik, where I was staying, is highly walkable. IcelandAir has some pretty great hotel and activity packages and for a first trip to a place where I didn’t know anyone, booking this way was very appealing to me, and worked well. My travel there was pretty epic. I will write about that trip in detail in another post but it was super successful, emotionally and spiritually, as well in actuality. I enjoyed myself immensely, dining out, exploring, horseback riding on the volcanic plains, falling into bed at night invigorated by not only my activities but the feeling of joy of being content in my own company. I was especially buoyant from doing something that, well, other people hinted that I shouldn’t really enjoy. That trip to Iceland was another step in a process that I was making up as I went along but would eventually be a map for future adventures.
So, if you are serious about solo travel on a big scale in the future, start small. Start today. Go alone and go often. I will be here, or out in the world, cheering you on.
What are your thoughts on solo outings and travels?
Where was your first solo outing that made you feel adventurous and empowered?